that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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