I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
