I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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