its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize