my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize