Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
