Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
