i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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