Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
