There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
