eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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