is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Dignity is for republicans.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize