Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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