I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Can you bring me the toilet please
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
