dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
