There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I am naked and annoyed.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
