I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
