Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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