im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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