He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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