Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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