I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
