oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Welp...herpes.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
