All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish you could order shots online.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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