like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
