One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
