I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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