you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
