the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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