woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
