just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize