i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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