Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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