You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
