i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
