I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
