dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
