Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
this just has baby written all over it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
