this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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