I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
