Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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