You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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