when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
