someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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