Banned from zoo.
Again?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
