I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize