We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
