Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
