I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
