She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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