Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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