Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My bed smells like the plague
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
