Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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