i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
