I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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