I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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