We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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