My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
