She is in my trunk
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
