Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
