His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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