No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
PANTIES FOUND
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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