now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
