Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
