I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
