I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
