know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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