I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
