His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
