roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
