What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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