dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
