my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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