You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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