wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize