i permit you to call me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
